As I’ve gotten older I have learned a lot about relationships. I have learned what good relationships are between family, friends, and boyfriends. I have also come to realize what I deserve in relationships and what kind of people deserve my love and respect.
I wanted to dedicate a post to this topic because I used to be one of those people who would welcome anyone into my life and I would be completely selfless and kind no matter how much they hurt me. These last couple of years that fact has changed and it has certainly changed for the better. How often do you find yourself bending over backwards for people and not receiving the same in return? And I don’t just mean by paying for things or doing things for others, but just being there to listen to someone as they are hurt and offering them moral support at any given time.
I haven’t shared any stories of my relationships with past boyfriends on here and I don’t intend to go into detail, but I do want to share what I have learned about myself through each relationship I have been in. When I was 12 years old I began to date a boy that was almost 3 years older than me. I know that sounds crazy, but he was very close to my family so it wasn’t as crazy as it sounds. I was in a relationship with him for over 5 years, we ended our relationship right before my 18th birthday. One could read this and think that it probably wasn’t good for me to begin a relationship at that age and on top of that stay in the relationship for that many years, but I can argue against that. I am grateful for the relationship I had with him because I ended up being much more mature when it comes to relationships and I learned at a young age what it felt like to be in love with someone and have that person love you back. He and I ended up growing apart as we got older and that’s why things ended, it was hard to get over because we were together for so long and practically grew up together, not to mention he was my best friend, but it had to end for both of us to continue growing up in our own ways. He will always have a special place in my heart and I will forever cherish the memories I had with him.
I’ve only been in two other actual relationships besides my “first love.” I found myself confused on how to be in a new relationship because I had been with the same person for so long and I also found that I wasn’t truly myself in my second relationship. I caught myself bending over backwards to please the person I was with and caring about his needs more than my own, which ended up hurting me very badly. I blame myself for acting this way and not listening to my own needs, but I told myself it was okay because I was in love. I don’t deny one bit that I fell in love with my second boyfriend, I believe that we can love an endless amount of people in our lifetime in many different ways. Things with he and I didn’t last for very long, we were too different, but I can say that he is the only ex that I can still call a friend and that we both still care about each other.
After he and I broke up I found myself changing a lot, I wanted to figure out why I wasn’t acting myself and what I needed to do to be happy and confident in my own skin. I had partially achieved that before the last relationship I was in. In my last relationship learned even more about myself. I was with someone that I was completely myself around and I didn’t try to act differently for him in any way, which was very good for me to experience. As good as it was for me to be with guy and be myself, it wasn’t the right relationship for me. He and I were very different and overtime our differences became even more pronounced.
I don’t regret any of the relationships I’ve been in because I have learned more and more each time about what I want in a relationship and what I want in the man that I could marry one day. Since my last relationship I have stayed away from talking to anyone new or going on dates because I still feel like I haven’t completely learned who I am or what I want in my life and I may never truly find the answer to that, but I feel like I get a step closer each and everyday. Everyday I wake up happier and more comfortable with who I am and where I’m headed, I want to make sure that I am completely happy with my life and myself before I pursue any other relationship.
I also want to talk about friendships because I have recently come to realize how important TRUE friendships are. In friendships I caught myself acting the same way I did in relationships. I would bend over backwards for my friends and always be there for them whenever they needed someone to talk to, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized who is actually there for me when I need them most. I usually just depend on my family when I’m going through stressful situations or when I need advice, but I can say that I also have a few genuine friends that I can depend on as well. I love being friendly to everyone and to lend a helping hand, but I’ve learned to not invest myself too much into people unless they’ve proven they deserve it. I will share my full love and respect to people if they share their love and respect with me. I’ve learned to be strong and protect myself and that quality over quantity is the most important thing in friendships.
I would like to thank everyone that has played a part in my life. Without any of you I wouldn’t be where I am today or view life in the way that I do now. Thank you for all of the life lessons you have taught me.